Lost Girl in Transition Ch. 15

Late for class the third week in a row, Claudia rushed down the hall and towards her natural sciences class. Slippery from being polished, the linoleum floors stretched endlessly ahead. It was a long, intimidating hallway, lined with door after door that was identified with numbers.

Finally reaching the large, double doors that led into class, Claudia took a moment to even out her breathing. Her hair, which was piled into a high, messy ponytail, had tendrils which fell loosely around her makeupless face.

She looked terribly un-put together and was self-conscious of her appearance, but attending class was clearly most important, so she entered the drafty lecture hall.

Claudia tried to sneakily enter, walking slowly and quietly towards a seat a few rows down. Luckily for her, the professor’s back was facing her, chalk scribbling across the blackboard as he wrote down a diagram. He still sensed her presence, however, because his voice suddenly filled the classroom.

“I do not tolerate tardiness.”

Sternly deep, the professor’s tone caused everyone to glance Claudia’s way, which in turn caused a flush to spread beneath her dark brown skin. Walking hurriedly to an open seat, she avoided the numerous stares that followed her, wishing like hell that she had a special cloak which would render her invisible, like in Harry Potter.

Only once she was seated and opening her notebook did the embarrassment fade away, but as the professor turned to face the class, she noticed he immediately zeroed in on her.

“You’re late again, Ms. Strauss.”

“Sorry, Professor Andrews. I slept through my alarm this morning.”

“*Again*.” His tone conveyed annoyance, eyes gazing sternly from beneath graying brows.

“It’s the last time this will happen,” Claudia assured him. “I’ll be early on Monday, I promise.”

With an unblinking stare he regarded her seriously, then grunted beneath his breath before returning his gaze to the blackboard. Easing out a quiet breath, Claudia relaxed in her seat, then got busy at taking notes.

I’ll be on time Monday, she thought to herself. This will stop, it won’t become a regular habit.

But of course it already had, and as she sat scribbling notes, uneasiness settled in.

* * * *

By the time lecture ended, Claudia’s hand was cramped from writing. She didn’t remember the details of the lecture, just that it had something to do with RNA polymerization. Normally she would have been engrossed, as biology had always been one of her favorite subjects, but for some reason her mind had been elsewhere.

Talking filled the room as students packed up, stuffing their backpacks with textbooks before heading for the doors. Following suit Claudia did exactly the same, but before she could reach the double doors that led out, someone tapped her lightly on the shoulder.

Turning her head, she saw it was her professor, face unsmiling and expression surly as he gestured for her to follow him. Since the lecture hall was tiered, they had to take steps down to his desk, which was a state of the art setup complete with a built-in computer.

Doors slammed and the classroom emptied, voices echoing in the hallway as students headed off. But Claudia was unable to do the same, because the professor now had her at his desk.

“Alright Claudia, speak to me.” Crossing his arms in front of his chest, the professor looked her straight in the eyes. “It’s the third week now you’ve been late to my class. Why has this become a pattern for you?”

“I haven’t been getting much sleep,” Claudia responded. “And as a result I’ve been sleeping through my alarm.”

“Why haven’t you been getting much sleep?”

“I have insomnia,” she stated. “So I don’t fall asleep until after midnight, sometimes not even until two a.m.”

“Is it the stress of being a freshman that’s causing this insomnia? Because if so, you should speak with a counselor.”

“I’m pretty sure It’s a passing thing. I’ve heard that exercise helps, so I’ll probably try that out.”

“Up until a week ago you weren’t late at all, Claudia. In fact, you were always one of the first in your seat. Something changed since then, and I’m trying to find out just what it is.”

“Like I said, I’ve got insomnia.”

“But besides the insomnia, something else has changed too.”

Noting the way he was carefully studying her, Claudia shifted on her feet.

“You don’t ask questions as often as you used to, and instead of sitting in the front, you’ve taken to occupying seats in the back rows.”

“I just felt like switching up. No particular reason why I do, It’s just what I like right now.”

“But since the first day of school you’ve been in the front. Three months without switching up, and now all of a sudden you just feel like being in the back?”

“Yeah.”

“My best students sit in the front rows, Claudia. You are one of my best students, or at least you were up until a week ago.”

Swallowing nervously, Claudia felt a knot form in her stomach. “You escort bayan aren’t kicking me out of the class, are you?”

“No, I’m not,” he responded. “But I am giving you a warning to shape up, because the last two quizzes I’ve given you barely passed.”

“Yeah, about that. I was hoping you’d give me a chance to retake them.”

“No retakes, Ms. Strauss. You bomb a quiz, you bomb it.”

Biting her lip, Claudia looked shamefaced.

“I’d like for you to see a counselor, Claudia. I get the feeling you’re dealing with something personal, and I feel It’s imperative that you get it worked out.”

“There’s nothing to work out, Professor Andrews. I can handle the coursework, I just need to get on track with my sleep schedule.”

“And It’s only the insomnia you’re dealing with? There aren’t any other issues you need to talk about?”

Noticing how intently the professor was eyeing her, Claudia felt as if she were under an X-ray. She began to wonder if he sensed what was wrong with her, but of course that was a silly thought. Her being raped was a secret, something only her family and friends knew. It wasn’t as if Professor Andrews could read her mind, so why was she worried that he had figured things out?

“Claudia?” Now giving her a concerned look, the professor’s eyes had visibly softened. “If there’s something you’d like to tell me, you can say it. Or if preferred you can speak with a counselor, but It’s clear to me that you’re dealing with something.”

“But I’m not.” Claudia shook her head. “It’s insomnia, that’s it. And I promise I’ll do what it takes to get back on track.”

“Alright, Claudia.” Easing out a soft sigh, he slipped his hands into his pockets. “You do what you need to get the insomnia under control, and I’ll see you back here on Monday.”

“Definitely,” Claudia responded. “I won’t be late. I promise.”

Claudia turned and headed for the door, feeling the teacher’s eyes on her as she walked. Once out in the hall, she closed the door behind her, then leaned up against it for a few moments. As students walked by, she noticed they were excitedly chatting, a few even laughing and horsing around. While their world seemed to be all sunshine and flowers, hers was gray skies and sprinkles.

While she wasn’t exactly sad, she wasn’t feeling joyous either. In-between was the best way to describe it, maybe even numb and a bit closed off. It had been two weeks since the assault had happened and she did still sometimes feel anger, but the crying spells had stopped, and she hadn’t had a nightmare for days.

Still buzzing with activity, the hallway pulsed with collegiate energy, seeming to both beckon and intimidate Claudia all at once. Knowing she couldn’t stay still forever, she willed herself to move into the crowd, gradually weaving her way into the throng of

moving students. Like a school of fish they moved along, Claudia in the midst and moving with the rest of the pack.

* * * *

Scanning the various soups that were on display, Claudia stood in the dining hall, trying to decide between clam chowder and tomato bisque. Buffet-style, the lunch service on the campus was extensive, featuring various soups, pasta, salads, and roast meats.

Finally deciding on the clam chowder, Claudia filled a bowl with the creamy soup. She placed a buttered roll on her tray as well, then grabbed a bottle of water before heading to a table.

Her eyes scanned the tables in the dining room, seeing if Tristan, Kimi, and Ethan were anywhere in sight, but on noticing that they weren’t, Claudia headed for an empty table. As she was walking, her bottle of water fell off the tray, making a dull noise as it reached the ground and rolled across the floor. Following behind it, Claudia watched it continue beneath a table and hit someone’s boot, which in turn led them to reach down and retrieve it from the floor.

Noticing that the person in question was a Native American male, Claudia watched as he rose from his seat, then headed over to where she stood. Tall with shaggy hair that fell across his forehead, he reminded Claudia of the rapist; so much that a sick feeling began to build in her stomach. But of course it couldn’t be the rapist, because he was back on the reservation, five hours away.

But if what it was somehow him? What if by some chance he actually attended her school and was watching her every move, waiting to violate her again?

Paranoia, she told herself. You’re traumatized, making up ridiculous scenarios that don’t even make sense.

Frozen to the spot, Claudia studied him intently, noting that his shoulders were broad, and build lightly muscular just like the rapist’s. Since his face had been obscured by skeleton makeup, there wasn’t a lot she could identify about her attacker’s features, but his eyes had stayed with her – so cold and sadistic that merely imagining them gave her the chills.

Focusing on the guy who now approached her, Claudia stared at his face to see if his eyes bore any similarity. bayan escort Her heart beat quickly as she did it, feet poised and ready to flee if there happened to be a resemblance.

It wasn’t until he was standing in front of her, however, that she realized this guy had eyes that were warm and friendly, rather than vacant and dead.

“Here you go.” Stretching out his arm, he handed Claudia the bottle of water.

“Thanks,” she replied while accepting it, and after watching him turn on his heel and return to the table, she headed off to find seating of her own.

Once at a table, she opened her bottle of water and took a sip, relishing its crisp, fresh taste. But on reaching for her spoon to enjoy her clam chowder, it was then that she suddenly realized her hand was lightly shaking.

Setting the spoon back down, Claudia gave herself a moment to calm down. She took in a deep breath, then slowly let it out before relaxing her posture. Only then did she once again reach for the utensil, and this time the shake was gone. But her heart was still beating quickly, pressing against her chest as it thumped out a beat.

* * * *

As the very last class of the day came to an end, Claudia packed up her textbooks and left, hurrying into the hall that was filed with students. Not wanting to look anyone in the face, she kept her eyes straight ahead, shoulders hunched and lips pressed tight. A feeling of disappointment had taken her over, so heavy it weighed her shoulders down. Upon exiting the heated building and going out into the cold, she headed for the student affairs office, which was clear across campus and a fifteen minute walk.

En route to visit the Dean, Claudia couldn’t stop thinking about her academic status, the letter she’d received in hand as she reluctantly trudged forward.

Academic probation… Just thinking of the words in the letter made her deeply depressed. Cumulative GPA less than 2.0…How the hell had that happened? She’d always been a perfect student! Possibility of suspension. All of her hard work was going down the drain, and right along with it, any hope of a good future.

Her academic failure wasn’t just a fluke, either, as she knew a pattern was emerging, slowly affecting not only her collegiate experience but also personal life. And the worst part of it was, she didn’t know how to put a stop to it.

Usually fully in control of her life, Claudia felt frustration, even hopelessness at the situation which had led to her current predicament. But from the outside nobody would guess what she was feeling, because the emotions were tightly bottled up.

On reaching the student affairs office, Claudia entered the brick building, heading straight for the desk where students checked in. After letting the receptionist know the purpose of her visit, Claudia was escorted to the Dean’s office, which was down a carpeted hall that was decorated with tree-like plants.

On reaching the spacious office the receptionist gestured for Claudia to enter, and with trepidation, she did exactly that.

Seated behind a stately oak desk, the dean watched Claudia, his gaze so powerful it made her unsettled. Made of tufted burgundy material, the high back chair which held his form only added to his intimidating presence.

With his Orville Redenbacher-esque bow tie, and well-cut suit that perfectly covered his form, the dean had the look of one who belonged to high-brow culture. Appearing to be in his late fifties, he gave her a gentle smile, then folded his hands on the desk before speaking.

“Thank you for coming in today, Claudia.”

“Not a problem.” Her voice was low, body stiff as she sat in the leather armchair.

“I assume you understand the reason for my calling you in today.”

She nodded, then glanced at the letter in her hand before gazing back up at him. “I’m on academic probation.”

“That’s right,” he said. “And just to let you know, your mother contacted me three weeks ago. She informed me about a situation you recently suffered through, so I am aware of the circumstances which led to your declining grades.”

“Circumstances?” Claudia tightened her hold on the letter.

“Yes, Claudia.” His eyes softened as he looked at her. “You’re having some issues in your personal life, and as a result your grades have dropped.

“Yeah, I know they’re really horrible and I’m in danger of being kicked out but I really would appreciate if you gave me another chance.”

“You’re still a student here at University of Montana, Claudia. The letter is merely a warning, a notice that your status has declined.”

“Then I’ll work really hard and get my grades back up.”

“I’m sure you will, Claudia,” he responded. “But in addition to working on your grades, I recommend that you get counseling, perhaps even take a bit of time off.”

“But why?” Her face had fallen, posture rigid with worry.

“Because you’ve been through a traumatic experience. And in cases such as yours, we recommend that students take escort a leave of absence.”

But It’s only been three and a half months since I started university. I have the rest of November, as well as December left to go before the end of the semester.”

“I know,” the dean replied. “But you aren’t mentally capable of handling your courses right now, and I really think you need time to properly heal before taking on the commitment of college.”

“What do you mean I’m not mentally capable?”

“Perhaps that came out wrong.” The dean’s eyes shifted, then came back to hers as he fished for the right words. “You’re traumatized, Claudia. And you need time off to make a proper recovery.”

“You keep using that word, traumatized. But the truth of it is, I’m not even that bothered.”

Disbelief spread across his face, gaze further softening as he looked at Claudia.

“I’m working through it fine, I just need a few weeks to prove that I can handle being here. To put in some studying so that my grades can improve.”

“What about counseling?” The dean asked. “Have you given any thought to that?”

“No, and I don’t see why I should,” Claudia responded. “I’ll be fine, I don’t need any professional help.”

“I’ve talked to a few of your professors, Claudia. And they all told me you’ve had issues with spacing out.”

“I might daydream from time to time, but I wouldn’t exactly say that I space out.”

“So you have no problems concentrating, then…you find all of your classes manageable, is that it?”

“Well clearly I’m having some trouble that’s why my grades are down. But I really think this whole thing is being blown out of proportion. I mean, they’re making it seem as if I don’t pay attention at all.”

“You obviously need a break, Claudia. And I’m going to place you on a mandatory leave of absence.”

“Whoa, wait a minute. It’s now mandatory?”

“Due to the fact your mother is extremely concerned, as well as recommendations from three of your four professors, yes I am making it mandatory.”

“But don’t I have any say?” Now in knots, her stomach was steadily tightening. “At least give me a second chance.”

“I’m sorry Claudia, but in cases like these a break from school is usually necessary.”

“But you can’t force me to do it. I have to like agree, or at least sign consent, right?”

“Your academic probation is reason enough for a suspension, but if you take the leave of absence, it will not go on your record.”

Knowing she was being forced into the situation, Claudia looked past the dean, gazing out the window behind him. She could see students milling around, hanging in small groups while chattering and laughing with one another.

They seemed so relaxed and happy and she envied that, wishing her own life was as carefree as her fellow students. But two weeks ago everything had changed and now here she was, being forced out of school and into a leave of absence.

“Claudia…” The dean’s voice broke through her thoughts. “I know this is all a shock and that you’re rather upset right now. So instead of putting all your classes on hold, why don’t we enroll you in some distance learning courses? That way you’ll still be earning credits while on your leave of absence.”

“I guess,” Claudia said. “But I’d rather not leave university at all. I mean It’s really important to me that I finish on time.”

“Well, perhaps we can work something out for that to happen. But at present moment, this is the best option I can think of.”

“I do like the idea of still being able to take classes while away,” Claudia said. “But what about exams, and end of the year finals. How would I take those?”

“We have a testing center here for distance learning students,” he said. “You would come in on the required day, take the test, and then go back home.”

“Well I guess that would be okay,” Claudia said. “I mean I’m not crazy about having to return home for two months, but so long as I’m still taking classes then I’m fine with it.”

“Good,” the dean said. “You need to be home with your family, not juggling the demands of university while actively dealing with sexual abuse trauma.”

“There is no trauma,” Claudia replied. “And as I stated before, I’ll be just fine.”

“Okay, Claudia.” Lifting a gold plated pen in his fingers, the dean scribbled his signature across a paper. “As of next Monday, you are officially on a three month leave of absence. An email will be sent to you over the weekend, providing information about your change in student status, as well as a link to the distance learning website.”

“Alright,” Claudia said. “Is there anything else I need to know?”

“No, this is it.” Setting his pen down, the dean pushed his chair back and stood to his feet. “We look forward to having you back as an on-campus student, Claudia. But until then, take care.”

“Thank you, Dean Wakefield.” She held out her hand for him to shake.

“Be well, young lady. And I’ll see you back here in March.”

Claudia turned and left the office, walking down the carpeted hall before reaching the door which led outside. As soon as the cold air hit her, she tightened her scarf around her neck, eyes scanning the campus before her as she solemnly walked towards her dorm.