Smooth Jazz Ch. 03

Next chapter should be posted within a week!

*Still working on developing this story. Jazz and Connor are slowly opening up. I hope you see more into them, and are rooting for them to make it through. I think anyone who has ever lost someone knows how difficult it can be. And a bad relationship can be hard on self-esteem. I hope I captured that well.

Ps. Thanks for the feedback on longer chapters! I added a little bit more to this one, next one should be longer!

*Loving ALL the feedback and support. Keep it coming.. BAD AND GOOD criticism is more than welcomed. Tell who you love? Who you hate? how it makes you feel?! It only helps me better the story. Again my grammar is a process!! ha-ha. But thanks for all your help! It really means a lot!*

CONNOR DROVE AWAY FROM HIS DADS HOUSE. He always left his car at the house whenever he was on tour for an extended period of time. Connor enjoyed the time him and his father spent together. He was finally starting to feel like himself again. It couldn’t be because of a certain someone.

He had to admit his spirits had been lifted, but he didn’t want to admit that he was so entranced by her. Even in his denial, Connor felt like his father knew Jazz was different and special to him, especially when he asked his dad to accompany him downtown.

He wanted his father’s help in finding something nice to wear. He felt a little out of touch. He was used to being in uniform most of the time. Connors father had helped him pick out the Burberry gray sweater and black slacks from the nice clothing and tailoring shop downtown.

The outfit suited him well enough, well more than well enough. Women in the store more than murmured in approval as he came out the dressing room. He showed his Dad his attire of choice, and he had many voices chime in yes, yes that’s looks purrrrfect on you sweetheart, hell yes, will you marry me? Some were old and some young but none were dead or immune to a good looking man.

His father just grinned as a woman asked for Connor’s number and he politely turned her down.

“I know what you’re thinking?” Connor told his father as they left the store and his dad had a silly grin on his face.

“What? That those women were ogling at me instead of you?” His father was more lean but still had taint muscles, even in his older age his dad stayed very active. He could even hang with Connor during a workout or two, but only to a certain extent.

Though he and Connor were still the spitting image of each other, his dad’s sun streaked black and brown hair was getting gray at the edges. Yet with time, it only seemed to add to his handsome looks and charm. It was in their eyes and their smile, the most crucial weapons.

“No, I didn’t see any blind women in the store, so that can’t be it. I’m talking about me buying these new clothes. Before you open your mouth, I needed something nice to wear that’s it that’s all.” Connor said definitively and his father shrugged.

“So what you’ve never dressed up before for a date-I’m not saying anything…and maybe you never took a girl flowers before. And maybe you’ve never turned a good looking woman down.” His father laughed as Connor gave him a steely look.

“She mentioned last week some parent gave her daisies at a recital, but she doesn’t like them and wishes she had time to get forget-me-not flowers. So I picked them up and left them at her door. I was being a good neighbor.”

“Okay Mr. Rogers.” And Connor laughed. “Just admit that you like her.” His dad pressed, as they got in the car.

“Okay I like her.”

“A lot.”

I like her.”

“A-“

“Okay a lot! I like her a lot. She’s beautiful, she’s smart, and when she laughs…it makes me laugh. Hell when she’s angry it makes me laugh too. She makes me-” He didn’t want to admit these feelings to his Dad. He didn’t want him to know that he felt excited as a teenage boy on prom night.

“Happy, nervous, excited, and all at the same time, I know how that feels. I had that same feeling when I met your mother.” His Dad gazed out the window as they pulled off and Connor put a hand on his dad’s shoulder.

“Dad you don’t have to-“

“No, I’m okay.” He reassured Connor and continued. “Your mother was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. She made my blood boil, and my heart stop. She was so kind, so giving. She made me happy. I want you to find someone that makes you happy Connor. Sometimes that person only comes around once in a lifetime. And you don’t want to let them slip away.”

His Dad caught his eye in the rear view mirror and Connor gripped his Dad’s hand briefly. Letting him know he understood.

“I’m sorry Dad. If it hadn’t been for me, you would still have that.” Connor gripped the steering wheel tighter. There, he had said it. He was ready for it. He was ready for all the feelings to come out, for his dad to lash out at him. For his dad to scream, yell, call him out for stripping him of his dreams bursa escort and future.

“Connor, if you really feel that way, then I have failed you as a father.” Connors eyes shot to his once more but in surprise and in disbelief. “Have you really felt that way, all this time? Connor, no, no son, you have it all confused.” He watched as tears came to his dad’s eyes.

“I’ve always felt like it was my fault. Ever since I knew, I’ve felt ashamed. That day I got into a fight up at the school, with that ginger kid. Everyone was calling me a murderer and that’s how I felt.” Connor tried to blink away his own tears; he had been keeping so much inside.

“Oh my god Connor, I am so sorry. I’m sorry that happened to you, and I wasn’t there to protect you from that. I told you what happened because I didn’t want to lie. I didn’t tell you to make you feel ashamed or guilty. The truth is your mother and I knew the risk. I didn’t want her to have children and risk it but she insisted.” His dad wiped at his eyes and Connor listened intently.

“She wanted so bad to have a child. She would always tell me that she just wanted to hold, love and cherish a life that we created, out of our love. Your Mother wasn’t in touch with her parents. Her dad was a drunk and very abusive towards her and her mother. She left home at eighteen and never looked back. She wanted different for her child, for you.”

“She had you. She fought to stay alive during the whole birth. But your mother had a platelet blood disorder. One of the things that come along with that is excessive bleeding. After you were delivered, she was losing so much blood. The doctor said she should have been dead an hour after she gave birth. She told me and him that she wasn’t going, until…until she held you in her arms.”

Connor let the tears fall down his eyes and his dad gripped his hand. “Her bleeding stopped for a short while, as if her will, her love was strong enough to make it so.”

“She loved you so much. She held you, and she kissed you. She told you what a blessing you were. She told you how much she loved you and me. She told me to love you, take care of you, to give you what me and her never had. So I’ve been trying to do that.”

“I know I’m late, and I’m sorry I never emphasized this enough. Connor, you were and always will be our greatest blessing. Your mother gave me you, and she knew it was enough to keep me strong. She loves you, and I love you. I will always be grateful for you. Please, please don’t ever forget that.” Connors pulled up to the house and stopped the car, and started drying his eyes.

“You’re not a failure as a father. You’ve been the best Dad I could ever hope for. It’s something that I believed. It wasn’t anything you said or did. It was all me. Had I known she wanted…and she loved-” Connor got choked up and put his hands to his eyes, and started to cry.

“Come here son.” His dad grabbed his head and brought it to his chest. He rubbed Connors hair and kissed him on the top of the head and slowly let him go. “Now you know. If you ever doubt, come to me. It’s not too late Connor, to change, to heal.”

“Thank-you so much Dad, thank you.” Connor couldn’t explain all the feelings mixed up inside him. His father’s words were beginning to change his whole perspective. She wanted him and she loved him, even when she knew she was dying.

“Now, that’s enough crying. You got a date to get too.” Connor wiped his eyes and smiled.

“You’re right. Maybe if all goes well, you could…meet her.” Connor said and his dad tried to contain his smile.

“I don’t know if that would be a smart move. It wouldn’t be wise to introduce her to your old man; I know a thing or two about seducing women. Surprise you didn’t ask me for any pointers.” His dad said with a cockiness and swagger that made Connor snort a please.

“I don’t think so dad. She already let me know that she isn’t desperate.” Connor laughed as his dad brought him to his chest again but this time to give him a nuggy on the head.

MAYBE HE WOULD LIKE HER? Connor thought as he sped toward her house in his black navigator. It was about time his Dad met someone he liked. Plus it was time he stopped pushing his dad away. Now that he knew the truth, he could begin to heal.

His mother wanted him, loved him. He was loved. He never knew how important it would be after all this time to hear those words. It made him wonder if maybe Jazz felt the same way. If she felt unloved or unwanted.

Connor rubbed his tongue across the top row of his teeth; she was what he wanted and what he would have. She was resistant from what he could see. Then again so was he. Still, there was something in those eyes, something so familiar that he felt the need to protect her.

He knew he could take care of her, and he was shocked that he wanted to. He got this urge to want to protect her. He had just met her though, so why did these feelings come so fast? They had been talking sparingly bursa türbanlı escort for the past two weeks. Yet she had been away for a conference and recitals, the reason he rarely saw her. Twice she had pushed back the date for this day, but he remained persistent and patient.

The few times he did see her coming from the house, as soon as she saw him, she ran tail tucked in between her legs. Hopefully she wouldn’t run tonight. He had freshened up at his father’s so he didn’t have to stop by his place, and pulled straight into her drive way.

JAZZ TRIED NOT TO FUSS OVER HER HAIR, AS HOURS EARLY SHE SAT IN THE CHAIR AT A HAIR SALON IN THE CITY. She told herself that a haircut was way overdue and it wasn’t because of Connor or that it was her first date in months.

It’s not a date she reminded herself. She breathed easy as she allowed James, the only man she trusted with her hair, to cut her bangs from in front of her face. They had grown long enough to where she could get them cut at a slant.

Jazz wanted her bang to sleek to the right. He sniped away and she tried not to fidget nervously. When he was finished she leaned forward to observe herself in the mirror.

The bang was definitely the way to go, as it lay over her forehead nicely and she was pleased with how sexy it made her eyes look. She was happy he was able to squeeze her in before they closed. It was just him and her for the pass two hours, fussing her hair into perfection.

“Jazz, girl your hair is the bomb dot com.” James gloated as he put the finishing touches on her hair.

The light brown and dark brown shined glamorously in the light, and her hair shaped her face cupping it softly. The bangs on her face gave more attention to her eyes and she blew a sign of relief.

She did it, she was taking the steps back to the real her. The person she wanted to be. William would never approve of her new look. Fuck William. She smiled. She was going to start doing what she wanted to do.

Jazz looked down at her black toes with teal green flowers matching her nails. The teal green dress would be a perfect fit.

She had bought a whole new outfit, figuring she deserved it. The silk material was form fitting and left nothing to the imagination. In the store, it hugged her almost like second skin. The dress only had one sleeve and was cut horizontal across her chest, and stopped just below her knees.

Jazz didn’t want to admit it but she wanted to drive him crazy. The thought of Connor mesmerized by her made her tremble. She thought about his hands on her body and his lips trailing all over her, tasting, and touching her in favorable reception.

She opened her eyes and was embarrassed; James was looking and smiling at her as if he could read her thoughts.

“I see somebody is gone get some tonight! I aint mad at you honey, you betta work that boy.” James moved his body rolling dramatically making her laugh. She had known him since she had moved from the south to Sacramento, almost six years now. They had met at the performing arts university where James had studied dance.

When they first met, she thought he was attractive, but too artsy for her. His spiked hair and circle sunglasses were too much for her to handle, along with his hipster jeans, and beanie. Yet his brown eyes were kind and his chocolate skin was beautiful.

He had a strong jaw line, and pronounced features. With his full lips and pretty smile she thought he could be a model. They hit it off immediately. She suspected he was gay because he was quite flamboyant. She received her answer when she just came out and asked him one day. He responded with a Z snap, and the rest was history.

James knew how down she had been feeling lately and was happy to see her smiling again. He never liked William bald head ass anyway. He knew what an asshole William was but also knew Jazz was star gazed over that clown, and had to figure his ratchet ass out for herself.

“I’m not working anybody.” She paused, her face serious. “He gotta work for me!” She rolled her body copying his movements and they both laughed, slapping their hands to one another in a high five. Jazz was laughing so hard, but then she started to cry. James put down his combs and grabbed her hands.

“What’s wrong Honey?” James hoped she wasn’t changing her mind about the date. Two hours spent, shit she was going, in a strait jacket if she had to.

“I’m just happy. I feel good about me. I haven’t felt this way in so long. I don’t know. When you’ve been consistently told you’re not good enough. You start to believe it. Day in and day out you strive to be good enough and fall short every time.” James wiped away her tears.

“You were always good enough Jazz. William was the unworthy one. And now you’re starting to see that. It’s okay to enjoy yourself. If Connor makes you feel special then give him a chance.”

“I know, it’s just I don’t know. Am I ready? kestel escort When I think about how weak and pathetic I was and how William always said -“

“No, no more William. Listen to me honey; he -is- your- past! Pathetic, no, misguided and naïve, yes, but Jazz you have to move on from that. Instead of throwing yourself a pity party, which is what you’ve been doing for the past six months! You are strong, confident, passionate, beautiful, and any man would be lucky to have you.”

“You’ve listen to Williams’s voice for too long, where’s your voice? Believe me when I tell you William aint worth a god damn! Who you gone listen to, me, your confidant, your speaker of the truth! The one who knows all!” He pointed to the sky dramatically and stomped his feet. “Or William, Mr. clean, what’s it gone be?” He asked extending both his hands out as if weighing the options.

“You a fool,” she said and they busted up laughing. “But your right, I have been naïve. I have listened to his voice for too long. I’ve been sad, angry and every kind of emotion I can think of. I’m tired of letting him run and control my life. I need to start loving and looking out for me.”

“I still need to talk to my Mom. She’ll be so disappointed, she didn’t raise me to live my life for a man, yet I fell into that with ease, and let William put his feet up on my back. I think the divorce was the best thing that he’s ever done for me.” She smiled through her blurry eyes, she knew it was true. She was going through the storm because there was a rainbow on the other side. She truly believed that.

I’m just gone let go tonight. Just try to be cool. Make em work!” She snapped, and they high five’d and James blew a sign of relief. Okay crisis avoided, and he wouldn’t have to cut nobody.

“That’s right girl, don’t make it easy for him. These men these days don’t wanna buy the cow if they can get that heffa for free.” Jazz pulled out a picture of Connor after they calmed down from their laughter. “Well damn! He can get the 1%, 2%, whole, vitamin c, d, e, f, and g looking like that!” James exclaimed and they broke out in laughter again.

“So much for your support,” Jazz playfully snatched the picture back. Looking at the time, she quickly gave both his cheeks kisses and bounded out the door.

James did a happy dance and smiled. He hadn’t brought up the fact that she had been M.I.A since the divorce. He was just glad to see her smiling again. Although, if he knew William he would try to find a way to fuck it up, he just hoped Jazz would be stronger this time around.

JAZZ GOT OUT OF THE TUB THAT SHE HAD PUT HER FAVORITE HONEY BUBBLE BATH INTO. The Vanilla salt and candles gave her skin an excellent glow and feel. It filled the air with a lovely aroma.

After she stepped out the tub and blew out the flames, her nervousness caught up with her again. Lathering herself up in Vanilla scented lotion and spraying her body with some red door perfume, she felt butterflies in her stomach.

What the hell? Jazz thought as she slipped on some lacy black underwear. She wanted to feel sexy tonight. She turned on some Maxwell to elevate the level of sexiness she was feeling.

She hummed to her favorite song by him, called fortunate, as she pulled the dress up and smoothed it out. The tub was drained and the candles put away. She was done with her makeup, which didn’t require much effort.

She was very light with her hand. Her skin was nice and smooth. She didn’t require much. She gave herself the once over, added another coat of gloss to her lips and was satisfied.

Jazz’s heart did a quick flip as the doorbell rang. She tried not to fall over as she quickly tried to slip into her black and gold pumps, the four inch thick heels giving a little height to her five four frame. Jazz grabbed her black clutch and turned off the lights to the bedroom.

Then she paused, went back, and quickly put in her small gold hoops and clasped a gold small watch over her wrist. Glancing herself over one more time, she walked to the door and opened it.

“Sorry I,” She paused her heart stopping as he was leaning in the doorway. His masculine and muscle bound physique filling in the frame of it. The shadow of the porch light played over his face. His bronze skin looked as if he was carved out of gold.

His face was shaven, leaving only a little stubble which added to his manly sinew. His jade eyes were like deep waters as his gaze ran up and down over her. She thought her knees would buckle under his direct stare.

His cupids bow mouth was ripe and smiled in approval as he gave her a thorough once over. He didn’t look bad himself. The slacks seem to hug his lean hips and rustle against his toned thighs. “…Was getting my accessories.” She finished as she drunk him in as well. He had yet to say anything and she was getting nervous again.

“You apologize a lot don’t you?” Jazz smiled sheepishly and stepped out the door, but tripped over the entrance and fell right into him. He grabbed her arm to steady her and had her against her door in a second flat.

His hands were now on either side of her. She looked down, as she felt shy and scared. No one had ever made her feel this way. She was so unnerved and off balance.